Now what?

The all things new decade

My twenties and early thirties were laced with a number of firsts, like I guess they are for a lot of people… first jobs, properties, engagements (yes there were two), wedding, baby, weekly hen-dos, travels and invitations left, right and centre to weddings, christenings and events.

It was a fast-paced blur of all things new, shiny and exciting. At the time you think this is going to last forever, and maybe for some people it does to a certain extent. For me this current stage of life is very different…

Welcome mid-to-late thirties

It crept up, all of a sudden, the babies weren’t actually babies anymore. They were fully fledged school-children with their own little social calendars. It is back to concentrating on my career, it’s the comfortable humdrum of family life… without those big WOW, life-changing moments.

Now, this isn’t to say its not exciting in its own way… The children becoming easier and having more free time has been wonderful, not to mention now sleeping a full eight hours in bed without a toddler strapped to me, as well as going back to a career I love. However, the reality is that when it all calms to this steady pace it can be a little strange and there is an overriding feeling that ‘at this age you should have it a bit more worked out’ – which of course, I don’t.

It’s comfortable and not boring, but definitely not the exhilarating phase the last decade brought. Apart from having more children (just… no) or a new husband (this one can stay) I don’t think you can really replicate those years before. Suddenly, its now routines, working-hard, taxiing children to the never-ending parties and clubs and working out which day the bin goes out and why my house is a constant mess. To add to this, our lovely parents are all getting older and have needed us slightly more - which is nice, actually. The tables have slightly starting to turn and now I’m needed both by the children and their grandparents.

Stuck in between

I have lots of friends who are slightly older than I am… nearing 50 or over 50, and I would say on the whole this age tends to mean that they have built up their careers to where they want them, financial stress seems to be less and they have lots more free time due to having teenage children (which don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate is a whole minefield of its own).

However, they can pop away with for the weekend without organising the kids, work less if they choose and generally be quite nimble. As I slowly approach 40, it’s not also the exciting last decade of all things new, but I’m not in that next bit either - I’m somewhere right in between. I’ve named this the ‘grafting phase’ – working on a career, working on the house, working on making sure you raise nice humans, helping close friends navigate divorce and co-parenting rather than plan weddings, and just generally working hard to pay and plan for the future.

Getting (slightly) older does have its perks

I realise some of this sounds a bit negative – and I truly don’t mean it to, I’m always very grateful for my bubble, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be aware that this phase is tricky.

There are definite plus points to this age - one main one being that you care far less what other people think, you are too busy and too immune to it all. You are less vulnerable to fad trends and chasing the ‘dream’ - whatever that is. I also am far thicker skinned; you realise people come and go and the right ones stay. If I catch one bad vibe, I’m out - removing myself from the situation with a confidence I would have never had a decade ago. People pleasing is definitely a thing of the past.

All this is very liberating. You are aware of what you are and what you are not, and although I do splurge on the odd anti-ageing treatment for my face... I’m actually truly grateful for my ageing brain that cannot be ‘anti-aged’. It is a much calmer, confident and tranquil place to be.

Looking for a short break to fit into a busy life?