Like a mother to me: mothering, Mother’s Day and what it’s really all about

The meaning of 'mother'

Anyone who has born children will tell you that being a mother is one of the most rewarding (as well as challenging) experiences of their lives. For those of us who are lucky enough to have, or have had, our mothers in our lives, we hopefully have many happy memories and maybe more to come.

However, despite the traditional narrative, not everybody has their mum in their life. Some of us have/had bad relationships with them. Some of us lost them too young - whatever age, it's always too young to lose your mum. Perhaps you have another person who has been a mother figure. Perhaps you have the memory of the mother you lost. Meanwhile, others may be lucky enough to have an additional person who has been ‘like a mother’ as well as their own.

Equally, from the other side of the story, many women have not had the traditional experience of being a mother. Some are not there yet. Some want to get there, some don’t. Some women never wanted to have biological children of their own. Some never had the opportunity, and some very much wanted children but for one reason or another were not able to have them. All these narratives around motherhood and mothering are important and valuable.

About mothering

What on the surface seems like such an obvious concept is a myriad of complex emotion, both happy and sad. However, at its root, mothering someone is really about embodying love and care. The Cambridge Dictionary described mothering as:

"the process of caring for children as their mother or of caring for people in the way that a mother does"

No matter what our personal circumstances, we often find glimmers of maternal support in people around us. Perhaps it’s a friend, a neighbour, another relative, a colleague, a mentor or even a boss. It's also important as we grow up that we learn to mother ourselves. Psychology Today writes:

"re-mothering ourselves as adults might also mean consciously speaking to ourselves more kindly, and with more compassion and grace for our experience, instead of shaming, blaming, or otherwise criticizing ourselves for how we feel."

This emotive world of thought, feeling and discussion comes to a head this month with Mother’s Day. It’s a day that’s become synonymous with cards decorated with dried pasta, bunches of daffodils, breakfast in bed and Sunday lunches with the family. However, regardless of all the trimmings - and we do love the trimmings - it’s ultimately a day about love and care.

Showing care on Mother's Day

At Spabreaks.com in the lead up to Mother's Day, we spend a lot of time talking about mums - mums with little children, mums with grown-up children, new mums and mums-to-be. However, all the other versions of motherhood and mothering, are important to recognise and honour. So, whoever you want to dedicate Mother’s Day to this year, treat it as an opportunity for quality time and finding space to spend time with the people who have made you feel mothered - including yourself.